Empty. This word has rattled around in my head since yesterday. Today is a beautiful, warm day outside and I have been here. Here, sitting in the bed. I have not showered. I have gone from awake and back to sleep more times than I can count. All since 7:30 a.m. Every time I would awake, that word would be the first thing in my mind. Empty.
Everyone experiences seasons of life that are more difficult than others. In true individual fashion, we all handle these seasons differently. Usually, when I am in these seasons, I get really quiet as my mind tries to process and understand all that is happening. There is one thing that seems to help my mind in this sorting process is old junk. Preferably old junk that is not mine. I go to the nearest thrift or antique store and simply walk around. There are no intentions, going in, to purchase anything, I just want to explore. As I walk the rows in these places, my mind processes all the randomness I see. Somehow, simultaneously, my mind also processes all the feelings and words that I am having a hard time grasping and releasing.
I know, it’s odd. But, it works for me. Today, I needed that sorting. The only problem, I couldn’t talk myself into getting out of the bed. It’s not just that I have not showered, I do not want to. Why? Because that seems to take too much emotional energy, as does moving into the living room with my wonderful husband. So, I sit. However, God often refuses to let me hide from what he needs to do. Some days I think I can just be defiant. I can feel like the tug he is placing in my heart is too emotionally heavy. As I laid here earlier, with my husband doubling as a pillow, I could not seem to figure out what I was thinking but there was so much I needed to release. So, I cried. I understand why as humans we cry, but it is also terribly frustrating because, after the tears, the thoughts in your spirit remain. Therefore, it accomplishes nothing while somehow making us feel better.
Anyway, as I cried, I desperately thought of the thrift store down the street from my house. I have been there countless times, surely, I could walk those aisles with my eyes closed. That was it. I would close my eyes and walk through the store, all while lying in bed. I visualized the toys and furniture, the books and clothes. Then, I headed for my favorite aisle. The dishes. I have a thing for dishes. Currently, I have a cabinet full of dishes that are to be used on a farm table, a farm table that I do not have. Michael cannot understand why he is not allowed to use these dishes until said farm table becomes a reality. There is another cabinet full of Christmas dishes. That one gets him going. Why do we need dishes with a Christmas theme? Then there is the cabinet full of cups. Cups we do not even use, but I love them.
As I venture down the dish aisle, I visualize all those cups. They are empty. Empty. There is that word, again. It was in that moment, I felt words bubbling up inside me. But, today, that moment was too sacred to pass up. So, I asked God to let those words remain in my spirit a little longer. When I finally awoke, I needed one thing, my laptop. I knew there was somewhere in the bible that talked about cups. I could come up with bits and pieces of verses but could not recall actual location or context. Except for one verse. “Take this cup from me verse” is what I typed into Google and the Holy Spirit took it from there.
Each account, from the gospels, of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane is perfect but my favorite account is the one found in the book of Mark.
{“And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” -Mark 14:36} ESV
You see, the story is the same in each of the gospel accounts, but in Mark, Jesus not only says, “Father” but, “Abba, Father”. Abba is an Aramaic word, which is most closely translated to mean, “Daddy”. The usage of that word speaks to the personal relationship that God offers and desires to have with us. When I think of Jesus, crying out to his Daddy to take his “empty cup”, his suffering away, it hits me hard. Jesus, the savior of the world, was not exempt from feeling empty. If I have an empty cup after once having it filled with something I love, it is a cup of suffering. As I thought through this, I thought of how feeling empty can often be due to the suffering of some kind.
{The cup in my mind and in this story is imagery of the will of God.}
Sometimes God gives us our cup and it’s overflowing with good things. Other times, God hands us an empty cup and asks us to trust his will. My cup is supposed to be empty right now. I, again, visualize that aisle with all those empty cups. Those cups can represent all kinds of people and I realize, I am not alone. Back to Gethsemane, how often we long for God to just take our empty cups. When maybe he needs us to keep that cup and fill it. Fill it with his !ord. Fill it with hope. Fill it with faithfulness. Fill it with trust. Fill it with love.
By sitting here, I am remaining stagnant like the cups on the shelf. That cannot get me filled. Even the cup Jesus was given in Gethsemane was empty. There was nothing desirable filling it up. Jesus could have sat still in the Garden, contemplating his emptiness. But, he chose to take that empty cup and walk the road before him. Was it easy? Most assuredly not. Was it the plan God had for him? Yes. Did that plan bring greater joy than what would have come if Jesus sat still, disappointed in his empty cup? YES. That empty, hard moment, that moment saved us all. That moment of empty ushered in the spirit of God for each of us to be filled. That moment of empty brought more purpose to Jesus life than he could have anticipated.
We have the same promise Jesus did. The night is darkest just before the morning. The sun will most certainly rise and chase away the darkness. Even more constant, God will arrive and reveal his glory. From Gethsemane to the cross was great suffering. But, when the sun rose that third day, the cup was no longer empty. It was exceedingly, abundantly full. {Ephesians 3:20}
But, today, I feel empty. Jesus once did, too. And that is okay because it will not last forever.
{“Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” -Hosea 6:3}
Mary Craig says
Love it!!!
Anonymous says
Beautiful.