God gave me a word for this year. The problem isn’t that it came later than my scheduled time to have a word of the year. The problem is the word He gave me. I almost chose not to participate because (a) I was afraid God wouldn’t give me a word, and (b) I was afraid of what the word might be. Choice (b) turned out to be the fear that came true.
Every year in January, my church does a fast that we call “21 Days of Prayer and Fasting”. During this time, I had a list of things I was trusting God for and one of my items was for God to give me a word to live by this year. I started praying and seeking, but I had already given Him some starting ideas for words like brave, fearless, or thrive…you know…somthing awesome. Now I can almost hear God laughing at me, shaking His head like my Dad used to do when I would talk naively about something.
If I am honest with myself, I would have to admit that I was actually trying to convince God to give me a word with which I was comfortable. Somehow deep down in my spirit, I knew what was coming. I even heard Him tell me the word in the first week of my fast but blew it off with the excuse that it was too early for God to give me a word. I heard it again, and literally asked God to reconsider and I would wait for one of my highly-suggested words.
Finally, during the last week of my fast there was no denying it, I could hear God saying it over and over. One night I couldn’t sleep with an unsettled spirit and restless heart. Knowing why this was happening, I told God that I needed to see the word to fully accept what I was hearing. Out of habit, I jumped over to Instagram and started scrolling mindlessly. Until I saw it.. the word…the one I had been running from for three weeks…
SURRENDER.
There it was in all caps and somehow seemed to be leaping off the page screaming my name. I could no longer argue, I could no longer run. God gave me my word- and it terrified me.
Surrender is scary. The thought of giving up control and giving God full reign over my life actually kind of paralyzed me. If I have learned anything about God it’s that He does wild things; things that can’t be explained or understood by the human mind. It can be a thrilling thought or a scary one.
For someone like me, surrendering to God is scary. Surrendering control means letting go of what I think is best for me and trading it for the unpredictable unknown. Surrender means learning the power of “being” and accepting the supernatural even when it doesn’t feel so super; it’s allowing a wild God to do wild things even when they don’t make sense.
Surrender says “your plans are better than mine, your ways are higher than mine.” It’s trusting in the moments of doubt and confusion. Surrender is acknowledging that life isn’t all about us, no matter how much the world says otherwise. It’s recognizing that life is about Him and allowing His light to radiate through us even when we don’t feel so hot.
Surrender is scary, but it frees me from the box in which I tend to put myself and God. Surrender sets the stage for God to display His greatest, wildest plan- one much better than my human mind could ever form on its own. Surrender leads the way for light to pierce through the dark and sheds light and exposes truth- the truth that we were made for more than the limitations to which we hold ourselves.
I am becoming more at peace with this once paralyzing word. This word I ran from just a few weeks ago is already leading way to contentment and great wonder. I am growing closer to my Heavenly Father more and more each day because He has the control and is leading me down a path where life isn’t perfect, but it is whole.
Do you struggle with surrender? Does the fear of the unknown make you squirm? Do you struggle to surrender because you’re afraid He will bust up your box you hold yourself in?
Let’s surrender it, friend. Let’s allow light to lead the way to a life full of unpredictable, unknown beauty.
Surrender is scary, but surrender is worth it.
Reginald Taylor, Jr says
Beautiful and meaningful words